Self-Care Tips from a Professional Dominatrix: An Interview with Mistress Blunt

Mistress Danielle Blunt

Written by Jessie Sage 

One thing that is particularly difficult about living through the COVID-19 pandemic is that, while our anxieties may be shared, we are left to cope in (self-)isolation, so many of us alone at home, without our usual comforts to help us cope. How do we practice self-care under such conditions? 

For those inexperienced with kink, a dominatrix may not seem like the first person to turn to when you think of self-care, but, despite media portrayal that focus exclusively on dommes whipping and torturing their submissives, dommes also provide care and intimacy for their submissives (and in the case of pro work, their clients) within the bounds of the session.

Mistress Blunt has made urging her clients to practice good self-care one of her main focuses of her practice with clients during social distancing.  I asked Blunt about her work, and what she is doing to help clients in these unusual times.

Mistress Blunt with sub.

How long have you been a dominatrix, and how would you characterize your work?

I am a New York City-based professional dominatrix, and have been involved in the scene since I was 18 or 19 years old. I have a holistic approach to BDSM, and am interested in cultivating longer term D/s dynamics that challenge individuals to grow. I think of my work as a dominatrix as a way of playing with sexuality and taboo, as well as a way to play with altered states of consciousness to create relaxation, submission, and to carve out new neural pathways. 

What do you feel like your role is with your clients is? Doula, teacher, lover, domme?

I have definitely referred to myself as a BDSM Doula before! I love that term. I am trained as a full-spectrum doula and have mostly attended miscarriages and abortions. There is something very honest about pain and I have always been very comfortable sitting with people who are in pain or moving through something difficult.

What do your relationships look like with your submissives?

My relationship with each of my submissives differs depending on the dynamic that we co-create together. I work best with submissive identified individuals who are looking for a Dominant to guide them. I think that a healthy D/s dynamic can be really healing and a way to interact with power dynamics (that impact us in every aspect of our life) in a consensual way. Devoting your actions to your Mistress can also be a great way to begin to conceptualize your self worth if that is an area where you struggle.

What about self-care? How would you define it? Do you think that D/s can be seen as a form of it? 

I would define self-care as the creation of structures and boundaries that support your growth and stability. Self-care looks different to everyone. I definitely think that the majority of my clients see their time with me as a form of self-care. It is a space where they can explore a part of themselves that they might not be able to access or present in everyday life. 

Being told what to do can be incredibly relaxing. Imagine having a lover who knew exactly what she wanted and wasn’t afraid to tell you how to bring her pleasure? Just that form of communication alone reduces anxiety for a lot of people. 

Through objectification, I give people an opportunity to leave behind all of their human concerns and just get to be in my presence as an object. For many people, the time they spend with me is the only time they are off of their phones, which I think is an act of care in and of itself. 

I also think that the nature of a D/s dynamic can be an act of self care when properly negotiated. Being able to attune and hyper focus on an individual can heal a lot from attachment issues developed in childhood by creating new memories of attunement and healthier attachment. 

I also always encourage submissives to find their own community, because I think that community care and community engagement is an integral part of self-care.   

Mistress Blunt: Legs and Sub in Mask

What have you learned about self-care through your work? 

I have learned a lot about my own personal boundaries and how to balance work and personal relationships. I’ve learned that I can’t take care of other people if I am not taking care of myself. I’ve learned how to listen to my body better and tune into its subtle cues. 

What sort of advice do you give to your clients about how to take care of themselves during the global crisis of COVID-19? What advice would you give to the general population, people who aren’t necessarily into BDSM.

This is a really intense time! I have been checking in on my submissives more than normal. I have a few of my submissives sending me daily quarantine fashion updates which have been really fun; encouraging them to get dressed and put on something that makes them feel good. For other folks I have been sending out a forced self-care regimen. Forced self-care is my specialty. I’ve even written blog posts about it. 

My advice to my submissives during this time is no different than what I would advise the general population. I’m telling my submissives to stay in touch with what they are feeling, to mourn what they need to mourn, to prepare themselves for a tremendous amount of loss. I am telling them to journal, to drink water, to take care of themselves, whatever that looks like to them. I am telling them that it is okay to not be productive. It is okay to feel like you have reduced capacity. That this is a traumatic time, and it makes sense that it is difficult to maintain your normal executive functioning.

Self Care Tips from Mistress Blunt
Mistress Blunt’s force self-care guide for subs.